PROUD OF DOING MY BEST

January 19, 2009- I went to school in the afternoon to take our examination for the third quarter. And oh my God... nothing has changed with me because as usual I'm still one of the "late comers" of IV- Rizal even in the special day of our examination. I'm worried about myself because I might be shamed or scolded by our beloved adviser... but thank God because he's very understanding and considerate as what he said. I did not really planned or intended to be late again because I prepared myself to come on time but unfortunately it did not happened as I expected, perhaps because of my slowness to do things and of so many household chores I must be doing in the absence of my mother.

I find our test questions slight easy for the first day of our P.T. because I really reviewed well on those subjects. And imagine, I even sacrifice my desire to go on the parade during thew DepEd day last Friday just to have enough time to review. From Jan. 16-18.... I focused myself to review and it's damn funny because the things that I memorized visited me even in my dreams so I therefore conclude that I did not sleep well during those nights.

What's new under the sun during Jan. 20??? Good for me because I did not came late for the first time in history. Our second day of P.T. is a day of pressure and nervousness simply because our test questions are very difficult especially in Mathematics. You should have heavy-lasting memory in reviewing those subjects that are included in our 2nd day of P.T. 'cuz almost all the questions are identification and one thing is that I did not reviewed well in those subjects because of not having enough time.

Until the day comes for our checking... Thank God because I can now relax my mind and breathe comfortably without pressure. Even though the results of my tests are not high as I expected I can say that I'm so happy and contented simply because I did my best-that's what made me proud of myself.

Christmas of Resentment and Forgiveness

My holiday vacation experience is not just limited to the relaxing activities like sleeping, watching television, eating a plenty of food, roaming around, unwinding with family and friends, etc. It is a matter of learning, surviving and accepting reality that I hardly faced that moment. It's different and great holiday vacation for me because it is the time that I experienced the most horrible, unacceptable, and great struggles of my life.

They say Christmas season is the time of giving and a time of joy with your family. But the condition did not became reality for me. I spent my Christmas alone. Feeling hardly the bitterness of loneliness and isolation. My heart is like broken into pieces upon knowing that the happy family I have once will I experience no more!

My heart is filled with grudge and resentment to my mother because she abandoned us without even saying goodbye... and worst she let us suffer all the consequences of the problems she made. How dare her??? But then I heard from someone that Christmas is a time of forgiveness so I realized that I need to pardon my mother. Forgiveness helped me to accept reality. I had proven again that challenges strengthen YOU which I think the real purpose of GOD why He gave me those hurts and pain.

I am so grateful for the new strength and spirit which is my greatest weapon in the journey of my life. As the new year comes, new hope prevails my heart again.... hoping that someday, somehow....my broken family will turn back into whole!