"Dont wanna be a wall flower again!"

"I don't want to be a wallflower again!"---these are the phrases my mind keep on blurting as I was thinking about the Juniors Seniors Promenade. It's a shame thing to admit that I stayed only as a decoration last JS Prom that's why I did not enjoy it and so no one can blame me if I choose not to come. I am just afraid to experience again the disappointment, frustration, self-hurt, and self-pity of knowing that no one is interested or do not like to dance with me, perhaps because of my physical appearance. It's not because I'm a pessimistic person that's why I'm very negative thinker but its really because I know and I can feel its true and I feel bad about it and it also lessen my self-confidence and my self-esteem.

My adviser said that events like that is a way of improving one's social life and I agree with him. If you are going to rate me... I'm really poor in that aspect because I'm a kind of person who prefer to be alone. I don't want to be out of place but I'm aloof. I find JSProm as a waste of time but because of one very special person in my heart , my personal view to it totally changed as one big opportunity to be with him.

Because of him... I have the will to attend in that moment so even how hard it maybe I find ways to be able to come. Even though we are in the state of financial crisis I find ways to have something to wear. Even though I'm not comfortable of coming because I have my first day of menstruation I promise to myself I try my best to come. Although I don't want to experience those hurts again I still need to come for him even my feelings is at stake . That time, I surely decided to attend the event but because of knowing one hurting truth about him, my recent decision absolutely changed. I don't want to go anymore, because I realized I have no reason to go at all. I've just wasted my time dreaming and hoping about him.

Truth wake my sleeping fantasy which really hurts me too deep. Yes... I see those pain as miserably negative but I also learned an important lesson on how to accept reality and handle the pain it causes with courage, strength and determination to stand up. I learned to look at the brightest side of life and get out of my frustration with a new smile of welcome in the in coming hurts of my life which is more severe.